FINAL APPEAL

FINAL APPEAL *This letter has been amended by a Friend. 

Sweetie

Once again, my friend has asked me to post this letter here,  which I am dutifully doing regardless of my inability to read it.   Also, since some of what she writes seems like doggerel,  I have translated those parts only, for her. 

To whom it may concern at ATAILTOTELL Puppy Mill Rescue:

Today is Friday.  You are about to make a big mistake delivering your pup, Sweetie, to my friend’s mom.

 The following illustrates just some of  what has transpired.  Her mom, Mrs. Stillman, in preparation for her new dog, has been sleeping on the couch downstairs because she will be housebreaking Sweetie, and she wants to be right there to take her out night and day.  (Also, that is where Netflix is but I’m pretty sure it is the former.)

Anyway, because she is now downstairs, three new tenants have surreptitiously occupied the rooms upstairs.  And here lies the danger to Sweetie!

1. A two thousand pound gorilla has taken the first bedroom.  While he is in general a vegetarian, he has been known to attack little parti poodles because the AKC finds them unfit for display.  (The ass holes) 

2.     In the second room lies in wait a giant tiger.  (Ugh)  Need I say more?

3.The tub in the upstairs bathroom now holds a whale!  YES!  A killer whale!  I don’t think the color kinship between sweetie and said whale will be enough to protect her.  I know it wouldn’t be enuf to protect me.  (Oops I mean my friend)

The art studio, thankfully, remains empty.

My friend says the only way to get rid of these interlopers is to get my mom oops,...I mean my friend’s mom to move upstairs again.  That will be difficult anyway, regardless of Sweetie, what with the Netflix and everything.

So, for these and the other reasons mentioned in my previous appeal, I entreat you to reconsider your dogcision about sending Sweetie into this dangerous situation.  And don't worry; I will get my friend’s mom to return the extra orthopedic dog bed, travel crate and dog poop training system with imitation grass (washable) to the store.  She can keep the other stuff because my friend says she can use them, especially the twin jackets.  (She’s a clothes hound).

Yours repupfully,

A FRIEND

Addogdum: I wish to thank you for making this second appeal superfluous since you have, as per Libby’s..I mean my request, postponed your surrender of Sweetie to an untenable situation.  Please don’t give her or any other dog to Mrs. Stillman in the future.  I will help Libby take care of the gorilla, tiger and whale ASAP. 

Thank you for helping out my friend, Libby.

P.S.  Could you send me the vitals on the other parti-colored poodles, not because I want one, but because I am doing ummm, research.  I promise not to tell my friend's mom about it.