Blog Archive

Mar 30, 2014

New Kid on Block



 What a day I am having! No that is not me . 
It’s a kid here who insists she is my daughter, which I strongly doubt  First of all  she is weird looking, not like me. 
She's white on one half and black on the other. Her name is Sweetie but it shudda been Yin Yang.  Ha ha. get it? Ha ha.  Well anywooze,  she asked me if she could  use my Plog to send a letter home. Of course I told her to get her own friggin puppy log. So what did she do? The brat started to cry. Oh great.  Then  Mrs. Stillman got mad at me. Okay,okay,  let the kid use my plog.  But,  just this once.  So here’s her stupid, (and this is the last doggone time anyone else uses my space to write their own doggone stuff because YES, I am annoyed.  Its bad enough I have to watch Mrs. Stillman kiss her ass- Literally!!! - Let alone have her write on my perfect puppy publication)  letter: Please read more:

      

Mar 7, 2014

FINAL APPEAL


FINAL APPEAL *This letter has been amended by a Friend. 

Sweetie
Once again, my friend has asked me to post this letter here,  which I am dutifully doing regardless of my inability to read it.   Also, since some of what she writes seems like doggerel,  I have translated those parts only, for her. 

To whom it may concern at ATAILTOTELL Puppy Mill Rescue:
Today is Friday.  You are about to make a big mistake delivering your pup, Sweetie, to my friend’s mom.

 The following illustrates just some of  what has transpired.  Her mom, Mrs. Stillman, in preparation for her new dog, has been sleeping on the couch downstairs because she will be housebreaking Sweetie, and she wants to be right there to take her out night and day.  (Also, that is where Netflix is but I’m pretty sure it is the former.)

Anyway, because she is now downstairs, three new tenants have surreptitiously occupied the rooms upstairs.  And here lies the danger to Sweetie!




1. A two thousand pound gorilla has taken the first bedroom.  While he is in general a vegetarian, he has been known to attack little parti poodles because the AKC finds them unfit for display.  (The ass holes) 


2.     In the second room lies in wait a giant tiger.  (Ugh)  Need I say more?






3.The tub in the upstairs bathroom now holds a whale!  YES!  A killer whale!  I don’t think the color kinship between sweetie and said whale will be enough to protect her.  I know it wouldn’t be enuf to protect me.  (Oops I mean my friend)

The art studio, thankfully, remains empty.

My friend says the only way to get rid of these interlopers is to get my mom oops,...I mean my friend’s mom to move upstairs again.  That will be difficult anyway, regardless of Sweetie, what with the Netflix and everything.

So, for these and the other reasons mentioned in my previous appeal, I entreat you to reconsider your dogcision about sending Sweetie into this dangerous situation.  And don't worry; I will get my friend’s mom to return the extra orthopedic dog bed, travel crate and dog poop training system with imitation grass (washable) to the store.  She can keep the other stuff because my friend says she can use them, especially the twin jackets.  (She’s a clothes hound).

Yours repupfully,
A FRIEND

Addogdum: I wish to thank you for making this second appeal superfluous since you have, as per Libby’s..I mean my request, postponed your surrender of Sweetie to an untenable situation.  Please don’t give her or any other dog to Mrs. Stillman in the future.  I will help Libby take care of the gorilla, tiger and whale ASAP. 
Thank you for helping out my friend, Libby.

P.S.  Could you send me the vitals on the other parti-colored poodles, not because I want one, but because I am doing ummm, research.  I promise not to tell my friend's mom about it.


Mar 4, 2014

Dog Delivery Denied


I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO PUBLISH THIS LETTER HERE BY A FRIEND.  I HAVE NOT READ IT OF COURSE.  DOGS CAN’T READ.  :
Attention: To Whom it Might Concern at ATAILTOTELL.COM and in particular to Ms. Beth Alboum,

Dear Ms. Beth,
I would like you to reconsider your decision to deliver a dog in your care to Mrs. Joyce l Stillman.  I don't know if you are aware of the fact that there is already a dog living at that address.

First of all, the dog living there, Libby, has no teeth, but she says she can bite.  Second, there is a two hundred pound cat also residing at that address.  Do you know what a two hundred pound cat can do to a twelve-pound dog?



Thirdly, I understand that the animal you are doglivering, namely Colette, is a French Poodle, and there is no one here--I mean there --who speaks French.  The only languages spoken there are Doglish, Catlish (ugh) and Humanlish.  Your dog would have no one to talk to unless she is a very fast learner, which I doubt, considering her age.

I also want you to know that Mrs. Stillman sometimes takes very long naps leaving me--I mean a dog--with nothing to do except pick on other invader dogs if they happen to be in the area.  There is room on Mrs. Stillman’s nap couch for one human, one dog, and one cat; that is it.  There is no more room for another dog.





For some reason, although she herself enjoys the comfort of an indoor toilet, Mrs. Stillman does not afford this pleasure to anyone else.  All other residents are forced to pee, poop, and throw up outside, regardless of weather.  Mrs. Stillman does shovel away snow so that we don’t get buried while peeing, however she is a very lazy person, and I doubt she will shovel away enuf snow for two poops.  She has been known to shovel such a little spot that a dog must turn around a hundred times  in order to poop comfortably.  In addition, there is often a cat (ugh) staring at one when one is trying to poop privately, which I must say is very disconcerting to say the least.

In the interests of accuracy it should also be noted that said cat (ugh) often ignores Mrs. Stillman’s directive, choosing instead to throw up on keyboards, pillows, his own food bowl and wherever he wants.  Said cat (ugh) also secretly steals dog kibble leaving barely a bone (ha ha) left for a dog.  The dog, rightfully, is then forced to steal dry cat food if it is available (not that she minds).

Oh and speaking of room, the kitchen table also has room only enuf for one iPad, one dish and glass, one cat bed, one dog bed and one dog food bowl.  There is not even room enuf for a bowl of dog water.  All dogs must be placed on the floor in order to drink, and often have to wait 2 or three minutes to be replaced on table.  Sometimes days!  So as you can see a second dog would be fated to remain on the floor while the table party goes on.  Worse, that that, the first dog might be floor relegated which might cause the first dog (whoever she may be) to commit suicide!  Yes, SUICIDE!

And, yes, Mrs. Stillman smokes cigarettes, and sometimes other stuff!  Second-paw smoke is very dangerous to adopted dogs.  Also, they might get high on the other stuff.  If I got high, I would probably get so hungry that I might eat other dogs.  Dog knows what the dog living there and the cat (ugh) might do!

Finally, the dog living there is a very jealous dog (not like me) and might be really mad if another dog is introduced into her dogvironment.
Besides that, have you considered how upset Colette might be at having to move up north after being happily settled into your home?  It is very cold up here, sometimes reaching one hundred degrees below absolute zero!  No kidding.  Well with the wind chill factor of course.
And speaking of cold, the dog already living there has only twenty two jackets and sweaters, barely enuf for herself, let alone another dogtruder.


It is for these and countless other reasons that I entreat you to reconsider your dogcision.  Do not foist another dog into this unwelcoming situation.  I will take care of my end.

Yours faithfully,
A Friend.

PS. Please do not use this letter as evidence against dog living there.  She had nothing to do with it.


Mar 2, 2014

In the Bed


Wow, I really got mom goin tonight ha ha.  I heard her talking about getting me a competitor.  Some trashy whore of a poodle I think.  And I heard her talking about worrying that the dog Colette or Cabinet or something was not yet house trained.  Wow whutta slob!  Mom said she was worried that Colette would pee in the house and then I would pee too just like when Rusty did.  Remember that?
Okay so anyway, we went up to bed tonight (we are downstairs again now though) and mom put me on the bed as usual, the one with the brand new handmade patch work quilt.  And guess what I, ha ha, my eyes are tearing, I’m laughing so hard!  Guess what I did?
I dug a hole in the bed like usual and then sat right down in the middle of it.  Then I peed right in the bed!!!!  So now she is just beside herself worrying that Colette and I are gonna pee the house to bits.  Ha ha ha.  Serves her right I say!  I thought everything was just fine as it was ya know? Okay so I’m deaffish, and blindish, and probably need a Seeing Eye dog, but wow still…I mean mom just snuck this one in on me.  I’m hoping that now that she hadda rush downstairs and spill that puppy urine magic all over the quilt and then smash it into the washer, I’m hopin she will decide that we don’t need another dog. I’m a little worried though cause after the washing machine, mom went to the computer and DID NOT PICK ME UP!  When I jumped up on her as usual, she told me to go lie down in my bed.  Now usually I am deaf but somehow I got her gist ya know.  So here I am in my bed on the floor!  The floor!  And I’m writing this through the mom channel.  But, it doesn’t look good for me.  I’m bein real good right now.  But no invitation yet.  She’s just letting me rot down here.
 
I hear she is gonna buy a crate for the new dog.  Hmph! She never bought me a crate. And I broke the house just fine.  She might even get one for me too now. Serves her right.
   


Here's a picture of the new dog.  As you can see, she is really ugly looking!  I guess after me all of mom’s.  taste just flew out the window.

WE are gonna drive all the way down into Pennsylvania next weekend.  I hope she doesn’t throw me back into the puppy mill down there.  I better not pee on the bed again.  Just in case

Jan 26, 2014

Dogimonial


Guess what? I was sitting on my “right on the computer table so I can be as close as possible to Mrs. Stillman” bed, when I happened to notice a dogimonial she was writing about moi!  I liked it so much that from now on I’m gonna call her Mom. So, instead of my writing a post today, I’m gonna show you her letter.  Here is Mrs. Stillman's letter:

Dear ATAILTOTELL, this is my Dogimonial. 


When the dog of my life, Baby, died, I swore I would never have another dog. 
I was 67 years old and felt I might not be able to care for it.  I thought I could never have a dog as wonderful as Baby had been anyway.  And I certainly didn't want to go through another devastating death.Not just Baby, but all, it seemed, was lost.  I had no children and lived alone.  Close family was light years away.  If I had roots anywhere, I couldn't feel them.  I had no desire to paint my pictures, talk to anyone, or leave the house at all.  Life’s opportunities seemed exhausted for me.

Trying to keep Baby with me, I looked at poodles everywhere, on the street, on TV, on the Internet.  I discussed it with  a friend, " Money is tight, so new expenses seem unwise.  Why should I get another dog to tie me down, waste my energy and deplete my resources?”  He simply answered "because a dog will make you happy.”  What a revelation!  Happy!


I looked for dogs online and found out how puppy mills manufacture dogs as if they were furniture, but with far less care for their products or the workers!  The dire circumstance of some of these innocent creatures made me cry with compassion and anger.  Maybe I could save just one. 


Right before my January birthday Libby appeared on A Tail To Tell’s website.  A puppy mill had used her up and discarded her.  She was old already, just like me, a poodle just like Baby, a little funny looking and frayed at the edges, just like me. 


ATailToTell.com and I arranged the adoption.  I drove down to Pennsylvania with trepidations about the wintry weather and my new pup.  As per plan, I pulled up to the big SUV waiting in my hotel parking lot.  In the back, huddled in a travel crate sat Libby, toothless from neglect, covered with rust colored marks from licking herself in frustration, but otherwise healthy and vetted by ATailToTell.com.'s Vet.

  Libby put out her little paws to her foster mom.  “Please don’t give me away.  Don’t send me back to that place!” I kissed her and told her not to worry, that she would be safe with me, forever.  


I drove off with Libby cuddled in my arms.  We squinted our way through massive white walls of snow.  Our little car shivered in the wind.  We plodded through the un-ploughed highway passing stopped cars and 4-wheelers along the way.  Finally, hours later we skidded to a stop and into our new life.
Every time I looked at Libby, I couldn’t help but laugh. 
She was so funny looking and so cute. She turned her eyes away when I looked at her but followed me with hers every second that I did not.  I stopped worrying about anything else and devoted myself to making her feel safe and happy.

 In time, Libby's hair grew back, her pure black and white markings returned.  She became so beautiful that people stopped her on the street just to marvel at her.  We made new friends everywhere


Yes, Libby has made me more than happy.  In fact, she has changed my life.  Libby inspired me to translate her thoughts into human and write them down in a blog for her.  With Libby's help, I found I could write stuff people actually wanted to read (sometimes).  I gained a feeling of competence and self-respect.  I realized that life was not over for me, that I still had a future.  That life was worth living.  And if that is not reason enough to save a dog's life then I don't know what is.