I would have written this earlier but Mrs. Stillman was rubbing my belly, so I had to stare at her adorably for about a half an hour to keep her doing it. (Works every time).
* * *
We went across the street again to see our new house. There was carpet in the living room and the bedroom so I was forced to actually play for while. (I think it’s in the fibers though I can’t be positive about that.) I had to put my front feet down and my back feet stiff so my behind went way up. Then I had to bark and jump around a lot. You know, the usual routine. It was so embarrassing. Specially when Mrs. Stillman copied me.
* * *
Now for a Grown Up Thoughtful Dogservation.
We were watching Rachel Maddow and other stuff on TV :
and we decided that:
1. Someone who speaks logically and well can make even the stupidest idea sound reasonable. (Did you ever listen to Rick Santorum? He sounds good while he says Yuk.) So that’s why the law can say things like dogs are livestock and get away with it.
2. Someone who can't speak communicatively won't make even the greatest idea sound tru-able.
If you don’t believe me watch this:
Woof yip yip woof aef grrrrr sniffle yip bark woof
Yip yip yip arf whimp whimp. Woof woof arf grrrrr sniffle yip bark woof
Yip yip yip arf whimp whimp woof.
Woof. Woof woof arf grrrrr sniffle bark woof
Yip yip yip arf whimp whimp woof.
Woof grrrrr sniffle yip bark woof
Yip arf whimp whimp woof. Woof
Woof woof yarf grrrrr sniffle bark woof
Yip yip yip arf grrrrr sniffle yip bark woof
Yip yip yip arf whimp whimp woof.whimp whimp woof.
There. I just recited the Preamble to the Untied States Constitution. Did you buy it?
Nope! See what I mean? That is why we dogs need human volunteers to help us, even if they are sort of dumb, Like Mrs. Stillman.
But unfortunately we have another problem
3. Even someone who speaks really well, like me,
and has important reasonable things to say cannot convince bumbling assholes of anything.
That is why the governor of Missouri VETOED a bill outlawing puppy mills.That is why Judge Futsfart or whatever his name is in PA keeps dismissing animal cruelty charges against puppy mills. (While simultaneously handing out condoms filled with acorns to women in the park but doesn’t get disbarred.) No kidding Judge Dustcart or whatever his name is reeeeeally did do this! Dog!! Give me a barkin break!
4. Now you know why I believe in canine attack pack hunting sometimes. But I won’t get into that because the FBI has their nose ha ha into dogs like us.
Which brings me back to Rick Santorum
Ah ha ha ha ha ….ha ya ha ha ya ha
My eyes are tearing; I’m laffin so hard. Wait a minute…
……………………………………........................................ ............................................. ha ha..............................ha
If you are still reading this, don’t. Google Rick Santorum for yourself. I’ll wait………………ha ha ha ya ha. Forget it. I can’t write anymore. I’m laffin too hard.
I‘ll write about the two-millimeter wide, two million step high stairway in the new house next time. That is right…two million two millimeter. Whew!!
I’m gonna have to, once again, request a return to the shelter after all.
Love,
Libby
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