Schedule Changes

 I want to apologize to my supporters for any pain this long annoying post or its contents might cause you. I find it necessary to withdraw at the present time from my campaign for Governor/President.

Due to recent events Mrs. Stillman and I have had to donate all our campaign funds (the astronomical amount of $31.52) to Doctors Without Borders and Vets Without Borders to help all the animals suffering in the wake of the catastrophes occurring in Japan.

I will resume my run for President of the World as soon as calm returns to Earth, which I assume will occur as quickly as Five thousand years, give or take a billion. I will inform all of you immediately after the coming ice age about when I will take that momentous step.

For the meantime I will be engaged in an equally important endeavor. I will be assisting Mrs. Stillman in her struggle to achieve a down payment for and our subsequent move to our new house.

 As I mentioned in an earlier post, Mrs. Stillman has contracted to buy a new house for me.  It comes complete with a 5,000 square mile backyard, surrounded by a stockade fence to keep out cats.

So far I have been assigned to jobs that blend well with my dog given abilities:

• Procuring the Down Payment

1.     For the down payment I will be begging Wednesdays and Fridays at the kitchen table, and Tuesdays and Thursdays out on the corner.

2.    Mrs. Stillman is teaching me how to be an artist so that I can be her studio assistant while she is earning money by painting and teaching.

    She says I am improving quickly. Here are my first three lessons:

Lesson 1

  

Lesson 2

  Lesson  3

Gettin pretty good right!!!?

3. Anyway I will be giving aesthetic advice as well as delivering brushes and paper towels to our students.

4.    Anyone wishing to learn from a master can sign up with me. I charge 22.5 cents per hour. If you want to study with Mrs. Stillman you will have to pay a little more.

• The Move

1.  Fortunately the new house is right across the street from our current abode so helping with the move will be convenient. I will be transporting our most important possessions; Paper napkins and towels, toilet paper, pencils, sunglasses and slippers are just some of the items in my division.

2.  The (ugh) cat division will do the serenading in order to maintain a healthy rhythm. Each serenade will undoubtedly send us quickly to the next venue. Other than that, the cat will be completely useless as usual.

3.  I have hired Sula, the pit bull next door to carry heavier items such as numerous play toys, food bowls and dog beds, While she is carrying the Kibbles and Treats I will have to be especially vigilant to prevent any diminishing of supplies.  If I see any pilferage I will have to move the food by myself.  I will try to keep up my strength by moving the food piece by delectable piece……….

Finally I want to thank the United Nations for making a NO FLEA ZONE over Libbya. That will certainly come in handy this summer. But I don’t want to be selfish. I respectfully request that the UN make a NO FLEA ZONE over all the other dogs too.