Libbyplog Platform

I’ve heard that some folks (folks is what we politicians say instead of people) are recommending me for governor.

Well I had to look up governor in Dogepedia to see what that meant anyway. Then I checked woofileaks to see the real story. Wow! I found out a lot of nasty stuff about governors on Dogepedia and Woofileaks! I have a few them listed after this post***

Ha ha ha.

So therefore I would like to promise to all my future constituents (I haven’t decided the state yet) that unlike the aforementioned governors,

I WILL NOT:

• Commit mail fraud or tax fraud,
• Bribe or promise dog treats to anyone in order to get illegal flavors (But I will be promising treats).
• Obstruct justice
• Illegally hire and fire state employees,
• Commit extortion
• Launder money in fact I won’t do any laundry at all!
• Plagiarize essays…. well to the best of my dogability anyway.
• Racketeer (I never liked tennis anyway)
• Poop all over my citizens’ rights’

These are only from the last coupla years so I can’t say what else I won’t do at this time.

HOWEVER! If Elected I WILL:

• Close down all puppy mills, with executive order.
• Arrest all puppy mill owners and workers and hold them without bail, 1000 to a cell, in the most squalid disgusting jails I can find.
• Freeze all assets of puppy mill owners and their sneaky relatives.
• Fire and prosecute all Stoltzputz judges who distort the law in favor of their compatriots at the expense of doggies’ lives. Do you know what putz means? Ha ha
• Allow collective doggaining for all workers not just Gov’t. workers.
• Increase the size of Gov’t to carry out these directives and use puppy mill and dog auction profits to do so.
• Close down  Petland the rats.
• Give all Rescue workers a zillion trillion gillion dollars for all their selfless work on our behalf. And a million kisses too.
• Fire Gidaffi… ummm if possible.

Okay that’s it for now. I have to go get a suit and a flag lapel pin.

***Like for instance,

§                Connecticut Governor John G. Rowland (R-CT) – Rowland resigned from office during a corruption investigation, and later pleaded guilty in federal court to one count with conspiracy to commit mail fraud and tax fraud. (2004) ^[38] He served ten months in a federal prison followed by four months house arrest, ending in June 2006.

§                Alabama Governor Don Siegelman (D) was found guilty of bribery, mail fraud and obstruction of justice on 29 June 2006, and sentenced to 88 months.^[17]

§                Kentucky Governor Ernie Fletcher (R) was indicted for illegal hiring and firing of state employees. Charges were later dropped under an agreement with the Attorney General.^[47]

§                 Louisiana Governor Edwin Edwards (D) was convicted of extortion, mail fraud and money laundering. (2000) ^[48

§                Alaska Governor Sarah Palin (R) vice presidential nominee in the 2008 elections. Troopergate refers to her dismissal of Walt Monegan, allegedly because he wouldn't fire State Trooper Mike Wooten, Palin's ex-brother-in-law.

• Colorado former US Congressman and Gubernatorial Candidate Scott McInnis (R-CO) lost the primary election for governor after revelations surfaced that he plagiarized an essay on water rights, for which he had been paid $300,000.^[3]
• Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (D) who was impeached and removed from office in 2008, was tried on 24 counts of corruption, racketeering, bribery and mail fraud. He was found guilty of one count of lying to the FBI.^[5]

New York businessman Carl Paladino (R-NY) running for Governor of New York and supported by the Tea Party movement admitted to his wife and children that he also has a ten-year-old daughter from an extramarital relationship with former employee, Suzanne Brady.^[9]